Skip to content

Locked Out

2011 May 6
by distracted daddy

Here’s an obvious parenting statement: Having a toddler increases the stress of unexpected events. There’s already one element of chaos in your life, adding more compounds the existing chaos. It’s like multiplying a math problem by another number, which I suppose is already the definition of compounding.

Recently we were locked out of the house. That’s a simple way of defining it. We had the keys to our front door, the door simply rejected the keys like Top Chef judge Tom Colicchio turning away a plate of uncooked risotto.

Generally being locked out is not a big deal when you’re single and childless. It’s a minor annoyance; it’s a reason to go to the bar, or an excuse to crash on a futon. When it’s cold outside and you have a toddler with an approaching bedtime, it’s a bigger deal.

The first priority, look after the toddler. She couldn’t wait in the car while I attempted to burglar our home.

Thankfully, our babysitter lives nearby and her family was welcoming of our random intrusion. It didn’t even cost $10/hour plus fridge privileges. The babysitter and her siblings brought down books and toys to entertain our confused daughter while I pursued a locksmith.

I don’t have a locksmith, or an electrician, or a plumber that I can call. So I was left to consult the Yellow Pages and followed the old adage of “if you paid for a large ad you must be somewhat competent.”

I was wrong. Locksmiths advertised as 24 hours didn’t answer their phones, or would agree to show up in 3+ hours, or charge hundreds just to appear. It was frustrating. I was regretting choosing a classics minor in university over “locksmithing and related manly skills.”

Sensing my frustration, our neighbour mentioned the area handyman might be of help. He was. When he showed up I was trying to jimmy the lock open with a screwdriver to no avail. He suggested a better tool – a hacksaw.

It took 45 minutes of hacksawing and prying to remove the doorknob. My contribution to the hacksawing effort: Holding the flashlight.

Eventually we regained entry to our house, but only after our daughter’s dinnertime, bath time, and bedtime had passed. She was beyond exhausted. We were beyond frustrated. Our only consolation was knowing that it would never happen again because like watching an afterschool special we learned a few valuable lessons.

For your benefit, here they are:

  • A Blockbuster card is too thin to effectively jimmy a lock. I’m still trying to discover what it’s actually useful for.
  • The area handyman is not the area cat burglar.
  • If your neighbours hear someone trying to hacksaw their way in your house, they won’t express any concern.
  • Breaking into your own house is reassuringly difficult.
  • If you keep your toddler up past her bedtime by over 2 hours, daycare will call the next day to report that she has a slight fever and seems lethargic.
  • Keeping keys to the backdoor on your actual keychain and not inside the house is a good idea.
7 Responses leave one →
  1. May 6, 2011

    And this is why I hide keys all over the place. I can’t imagine a worse way to spend my evening! And without a glass of wine! Horrid! Glad you made it inside.

  2. May 6, 2011

    My paranoia won’t let me leave keys all over the place. But it definitely would have prevented this disaster. Wine would have helped too.

  3. May 30, 2013

    Which card is best and easy to get if I’ve extremely low credit score? Any recommendation

  4. June 1, 2013

    Yes. It should perform. If it doesn’t send us an email.

  5. June 2, 2013

    Today, with all the fast way of living that everyone leads, credit cards have a huge demand throughout the market. Persons throughout every discipline are using the credit card and people who aren’t using the card have made arrangements to apply for just one. Thanks for expressing your ideas on credit cards.

  6. June 3, 2013

    I’m also writing to make you understand of the perfect experience my friend’s princess experienced reading yuor web blog. She realized some details, not to mention what it’s like to possess an ideal teaching spirit to have the rest without problems understand specific complex subject matter. You really did more than her desires. Thanks for distributing those interesting, trusted, revealing and as well as unique guidance on that topic to Tanya.

Leave a Reply

Note: You can use basic XHTML in your comments. Your email address will never be published.

Subscribe to this comment feed via RSS