Bottle and a movie.
My daughter and I went to our first movie together the other week. It was a special daytime screening that was baby friendly. They’re called Mommy & Me movies. During these movies they lower the volume, brighten the lights, and allow pooping. The last one only applies to the babies. They also show terrible movies like Furry Vengeance and romantic comedies starring Jennifer Lopez or Kate Hudson or that girl from the hospital TV show who is trying to start a movie career. You know, Zach Braff.
Our first movie was Disney’s Oceans. Thankfully it was neither animated nor did it feature any talking animals. It seemed appropriate that her first movie was from Disney. After all, Disney owns childhood. I am already bracing myself to watch the same Disney movies hundreds of times, to buy the related merchandise, to hear her beg for a trip to Orlando and to somehow survive the dreaded Disney princess phase.
These Mommy & Me movies are great because my daughter is a terrible movie watcher. At a normal screening she would be shushed because she talks to the screen. I suspect if we saw Nightmare on Elm Street she’d be telling characters not to go into that room and then telling them she told them so after they went into that room. But for some reason they never show R-rated movies at these screenings.
When my daughter wasn’t talking to the screen, she was waving at it or playing with one of her toys. Midway through the movie she had her bottle, which I luckily snuck in because the price of formula at the concession stand is ridiculous. After her bottle, she decided movie watching wasn’t her thing and had a nap in my arms. It was a sweet moment until my arms fell asleep.
This left me with nothing to do but watch Disney’s Oceans. The movie was an assortment of beautifully shot ocean footage sparsely narrated by Pierce Brosnan. It was essentially a National Geographic special, only without the insight. The commentary went something like this, “Hey, look at this cool fish. Watch it swim. Hey, look at this other fish over there, it’s funny looking. Hey, thanks for paying 15 dollars to watch stock footage.”
Being stuck in a theater surrounded by babies is a welcome change from being stuck in the house surrounded by chores. Maybe next time I’ll choose the romantic comedy and my daughter won’t fall asleep.