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Elmo Elmo Everywhere

2011 March 23
by distracted daddy

Sesame Street Elmo Backpack

Every teenager learns in Sex Ed that unprotected sex leads to having babies. At least, hopefully they all do. The ones that don’t are featured on MTV reality shows. Anyhow, what they don’t tell you in Sex Ed is that aside from babies, unprotected sex also leads to Elmo.

If you’re welcoming a baby into your home, you’re also welcoming Elmo.

Elmo arrived in our lives on our daughter’s diapers like the plague showed up in Europe on the backs of ship rats. The diapers feature a variety of Sesame Street characters, but our daughter’s eyes seemed drawn to Elmo over Big Bird or Ernie.

We began to show our daughter Elmo on the diapers and say “Elmo.” That was our first mistake.

The first words our daughter said progressed like this: Daddy, Mommy, hi, bye, up, down, and Elmo. Elmo was one of my daughter’s first words. She saw Elmo on her diaper and said “Elmo”. For a while we were concerned that she was calling all diapers “Elmos” until Elmo showed up on a sippy cup.

And then Elmo showed up in one of her bedtime storybooks, and then Elmo showed up in doll form, and on DVDs, and a backpack, and more. Elmo was everywhere. We never asked for Elmo paraphernalia. We didn’t need to. Elmo is unavoidable.

Coca-Cola may think it knows how to corner a market.  But compared to Elmo, Coca-Cola looks decidedly mainstream. Every toddler household must have something featuring the furry red muppet.

Elmo is ubiquitous, he is beyond ubiquitous. Is he even a “he”? I don’t know, I think so. But “he” seems genderless. “He’s” a monster. “He” has no visible boy or girl parts. “His” voice while varying in pitch always seems to stay in higher octaves.

It doesn’t matter, whether Elmo is a he, she, or it, my daughter loves Elmo. She loves Elmo and she requests Elmo.

“ELLL-MO!” and “More More Elmo” are two of the most common cries heard in our home.

When we change her diaper, she seems to enjoy it more if it’s an Elmo. When she wants her sippy cup, she calls for her “Elmo”. In storybooks Elmo always gets a shout out while the other muppets are overlooked.

Elmo is here to stay.

Resistance against Elmo is futile. I may as well try to stop the tide from coming in. Elmo’s presence is a part of parenthood. And like the diapers, the vomiting, and the daycare diseases, I’ll do must best to live with Elmo. So long as “he” doesn’t ask to be tickled.

4 Responses leave one →
  1. July 15, 2012

    Your comment, “Anyhow, what they don’t tell you in Sex Ed is that aside from babies, unprotected sex also leads to Elmo,” is classic! I laughed so hard I cried!

  2. December 5, 2012

    Thanks like your Elmo Elmo Everywhere | Distracted Daddy

  3. May 9, 2013

    You put your mates information for shipping address.

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