Not a purse.
I have a diaper bag. It’s a large bag that keeps all of my baby gear. Don’t call it a purse. It looks nothing like a purse. It’s not even a murse. My wife also has a diaper bag. Hers looks like a purse, a very large purse. A very large, expensive designer purse.
I originally didn’t think I needed a diaper bag. For the first few weeks of manternity leave when I left the house with the baby all I did was stuff supplies into my pockets. A diaper, a little bit of formula, maybe a toy. If I only ever wore cargo pants this would have been a fine solution.
I knew I was one full diaper away from disaster. The further we got away from the house the more dangerous being sans diaper bag was. But it was a rush, a thrill. I was courting the poopiest of disasters. I decided not to let that happen. I was the parent and I’d make the responsible decision to get a diaper bag.
Go to any baby store and you’ll see a huge array of diaper bags. They’re all nice, if you like Sex and the City, and pink, and flower patterns, and estrogen. Finding a suitable diaper bag for the non-fairer sex is difficult. It’s like trying to find a needle in a frilly pink haystack.
I found mine at a high end baby store. They had 30 diaper bags to choose from. Three were daddy diaper bags. They all looked like oversized messenger bags. Something you could fill with a large laptop or a dozen soiled diapers.
One had a checklist telling you, the clueless dad, what to put in your diaper bag. I don’t think any of the diaper bags for women had this. No. That’s because women are natural caregivers and men are natural high-five givers.
What my wife loves about her diaper bag is its ability to go from diaper bag to oversized tote. A diaper bag with a clueless dad checklist is forever a diaper bag. Bring it to work after your manternity leave and that checklist will leave coworkers asking to borrow a binky.
I’m a big boy, I can pack my own diaper bag. I don’t need a list. My wife can help me. All you need is a few diapers, a change of clothes, baby wipes, hand sanitizer, snacks for the baby, snacks for you, bottles, soothers, sunscreen, a cellphone, a camera, a bib, butt paste, toys, facial tissues, pens, and a few other things.
The diaper bag is heavy. It weighs a few pounds. I’ve packed lighter for flights to Europe. But now I’m prepared. I’m ready to survive a heaving soiled diaper or two or being stranded on a mysterious island full of secrets and disappointment or even for that eventual viral outbreak that will turn everyone into the walking dead. I have my diaper bag. Bring it on.