Wish Upon A Diaper.
If there’s one thing that all babies do it’s fill diapers. That’s pretty much the first baby milestone. Diaper-filling. Our daughter excels at this. She fills diaper upon diaper.
All those diapers have to go somewhere before they go into a landfill and never biodegrade. You could put them in your regular garbage can. Sure, if you don’t mind the wafting stink that will soon follow.
If your house wasn’t featured on the show Hoarders, you’ll probably want to manage the diaper odor. How? Maybe with a genie that specifically deals in diaper wish granting. Yes, a Diaper Genie.
Diaper Genies are specially manufactured garbage cans that are lined with plastic bags. The plastic bags and closing lid help to seal in baby odors. As far as I know, they do not grant wishes. I’ve yet to see a blue Robin Williams emerge from the Diaper Genie.
If the Diaper Genie was an actual genie and granted the usual three wishes, my first wish would be that the refills weren’t so expensive. You see the Diaper Genie comes from the Gillette school of product design. Quick marketing lesson: Give away the hardware for next to nothing and charge for the refills. The refills are where the money is. Gillette does it with razors. Wireless companies do it with cellphones. And the Diaper Genie does it with bag refills.
So my first wish, cheaper refills.
You’re thinking that’s a bad wish. I should wish for infinite wishes, right? Except genies give 3 wishes. Not infinite wishes. They probably have a union rule banning wishing for wishes. It’s a loophole they closed after the first genie gave infinite wishes and ruined the wish quota costing all the other genies their year-end bonus. Or something like that.
The Diaper Genies doesn’t grant wishes. It grants you large, heavy bags full of diapers. The bags sort of look like anacondas if anacondas ate soiled Huggies instead of capybaras and if anacondas were made of see-through plastic.
The bags get quite heavy if you don’t empty them often. When you carry these extra-heavy bags you move quickly. The fear of the bag tearing before you reach your destination weighs heavily. You worry of its contents emptying in your driveway like you’re the guy stuck with the store-brand in a Glad garbage bag commercial. Luckily the diapers have always remained contained.
The smell? Most days it’s contained. Some days, well some days the genie is out of the bottle.